The High Privilege of Parenting

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:1-4 ESV

When considering Paul’s call for believers to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, it is important to remember that this is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit. Yes, you could pull it off in your own power for a season, but it wouldn’t be long before your old sin nature raised its ugly head, causing pride and self-centeredness to take center stage again. For wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to sacrificially love their wives, the Holy Spirit is a non-negotiable necessity. He alone can provide the fruit we need to “walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true” (Ephesians 5:8 ESV).

Here in Chapter 6, Paul draws our attention to yet another relationship in which the fruit of the Spirit will be essential; he calls for children to obey their parents. The Greek word Paul uses is hypakouō, which conveys the idea of hearing as well as obeying. It implies a child submitting to the God-given authority of their parents, and that the obedience rendered to them must be “in the Lord,” which is another way of saying “out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21 ESV). Just as wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord,” children are to obey their parents with an awareness that they are really submitting to the will of God for their lives.

Paul knows this will be very difficult for young children to comprehend. Even after a child comes to faith in Christ, they will have difficulty understanding what it means to obey in the Lord. That is where the careful, patient, and persistent training from godly parents comes in. Even very young children are naturally prone to disobedience. Their wills develop quickly, and their innate desire to do what they want shows up very early in their development. Obedience is not natural to children. They may not initially realize they are being disobedient, but their natural drive toward autonomy will lead them to choose their own will over their parents'.

In these first three verses, Paul seems to address two phases of childhood, starting with young children and then focusing on adult children. After commanding children to obey, Paul turns to the Mosaic law and quotes the fifth commandment: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 ESV). And he adds a side note: “This is the first commandment with a promise” (Ephesians 6:2 ESV).

Paul calls for honor, not just obedience. The word “honor” carries with it the idea of reverence and veneration. In Hebrew, it is kabad, which means “heaviness” or “weight.” There should be a sense of weightiness or significance that adult children give to the God-given role of their parents in their lives. While young children will not be able to grasp the significance of this concept, older children, especially adult children, can and should.

It is interesting to note that in Deuteronomy 6, Moses told the people of Israel, “Now this is the commandment — the statutes and the rules — that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son's son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long” (Deuteronomy 6:1-2 ESV).

Moses was calling the people of God to obedience so that their days would be long in the land. Then Moses went on to give them the motivating factor behind their obedience to God:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:5-9 ESV

Verse five contains the Shema, which Jesus would later say is the greatest commandment. Love is to be the primary motivating factor behind obedience to God. And Paul seems to be saying that, ultimately, love should underlie children's obedience to their parents and the honor they give them in their later years. But for this to happen, Moses said parents were to teach their children diligently. They were to talk about the things of God all the time. Obedience to God was to be a constant topic in the home, and parents were to be the primary source of instruction and illustration of what that obedience looks like.

Which is why Paul addresses fathers. In God’s economy, fathers are held to a higher standard; they are responsible for the spiritual well-being of their household. So Paul warns fathers about provoking or exasperating their children. Nothing will frustrate a child more than inconsistency in their father's life. His behavior toward and in front of his children will have a dramatic impact on their spiritual well-being. Parental hypocrisy is one of the most damaging influences on a child's life. Fathers who say one thing and do another end up frustrating and confusing their children. Fathers who demand one set of standards for their children while failing to apply those standards to themselves will cause anger and resentment in their children. Which is why Paul says, “Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV).

Another surprising cause of anger within children is a lack of discipline. Children need boundaries, supervision, and discipline in their lives. This will require the parents to train their children, and the father is ultimately responsible. A father who is overly strict or heavy-handed in his discipline will end up exasperating his children. But it is also true that a father who is lax in providing his children with loving discipline and godly instruction will provoke his children to anger. That is why Paul tells fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It should be the goal of every believing parent to raise godly children. While we can’t cause our children to come to faith in Christ, we can provide an environment in which the truth of the gospel is lived out in their presence and the love of God is modeled in their lives.

Parenting is a God-ordained role that comes with weighty responsibilities. But the Psalmist reminds us that “children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” (Psalm 127:3-5 ESV). Our children are to be seen as blessings, not burdens. Their presence in our home is a gift from God, an inheritance designed to outlast our lives and bring Him glory for generations to come. But the hope of their future faithfulness begins under our watch and depends on our willingness to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV).  What we say and do matters. How we live and love makes a difference. Faith cannot be inherited, but faithfulness to God can be modeled so that the next generation can learn of His goodness and greatness. 

We will not hide these truths from our children;
    we will tell the next generation
about the glorious deeds of the Lord,
    about his power and his mighty wonders.

He commanded our ancestors
    to teach them to their children,
so the next generation might know them—
    even the children not yet born—
    and they in turn will teach their own children.
So each generation should set its hope anew on God,
    not forgetting his glorious miracles
    and obeying his commands.
Then they will not be like their ancestors—
    stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful,
    refusing to give their hearts to God. – Psalm 78:4, 5-8 NLT

Father, the job of parenting is never done. Even as our children leave the nest, we find ourselves still listening, loving, guiding, and directing. Even as our children move into adulthood, they continue to watch our lives and  mirror our behavior. They may stop asking our advice, but they continue to recall the lessons we taught them along the way, both good and bad. The things we said and did when they were young are seared into their memories. What we do when they are young has long-term implications. Even when we are gone, they will still remember our words and actions. They will recall the life lessons we imparted and either embrace or reject them. The degree of our faithfulness to God when they were young will either motivate or demoralize them when they are older. Give us the strength to parent well, to grandparent faithfully. Don’t let us grow weary in doing good. Holy Spirit, empower and equip us to run the race well and to finish strong. Our children’s lives depend upon it. We cannot save them, but we can provide them with a safe and fertile environment in which truth is taught, love is boundless, patience is abundant, and faith is lived out in everyday life. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

MIssing the Point and the Mark

13 Therefore, one who speaks in a tongue should pray that he may interpret. 14 For if I pray in a tongue, my spirit prays but my mind is unfruitful. 15 What am I to do? I will pray with my spirit, but I will pray with my mind also; I will sing praise with my spirit, but I will sing with my mind also. 16 Otherwise, if you give thanks with your spirit, how can anyone in the position of an outsider say “Amen” to your thanksgiving when he does not know what you are saying? 17 For you may be giving thanks well enough, but the other person is not being built up. 18 I thank God that I speak in tongues more than all of you. 19 Nevertheless, in church I would rather speak five words with my mind in order to instruct others, than ten thousand words in a tongue. – 1 Corinthians 14:13-19 ESV

Once again, Paul emphasizes the importance of the spiritual gifts as tools given by God for the mutual edification of the body of Christ. He indicates that a person who prays during worship using an unknown language may be giving thanks to God, but the rest of the congregation will not be built up. They will not understand what is being said, so they will be unable to join in thanksgiving. In fact, Paul says that someone praying in a tongue has no idea what they are saying as well.

For if I pray in tongues, my spirit is praying, but I don’t understand what I am saying. – 1 Corinthians 14:14 NLT

That’s why Paul encourages those who say they have the gift of tongues to pray that they might also be given the ability to interpret what they are saying. The spiritual part of a believer’s life was not to be viewed as separate or distinct from their intellectual or cognitive capacities. God puts a high priority on knowledge. He wants us to know Him, and He desires for us to know the truth. He wants us to “know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:19 ESV). Paul expressed his desire for knowledge this way: “I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death” (Philippians 3:10 NLT).

Earlier in this letter, Paul spoke of the Spirit’s role in helping believers understand the mind of God.

For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might understand the things freely given us by God. And we impart this in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the Spirit, interpreting spiritual truths to those who are spiritual. – 1 Corinthians 2:10-13 NLT

The Spirit of God exists to make God known. He helps us understand those things given to us by God. Without His presence within us, we would still be natural and not spiritual. The “natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14 ESV).

So the Spirit within us is there to help us understand, and when the Spirit speaks through us by means of our gift, others should be able to understand as well. They should be drawn closer to God. But Paul indicates that the gift of tongues, without interpretation, is of no use to anyone. It may make the speaker feel spiritual, but it offers no benefit to their understanding.

Underlying all of this is Paul’s emphasis on the content of the message. What God is trying to communicate is far more important than the means or the method of delivery. That’s why he makes the bold statement: “But in a church meeting I would rather speak five understandable words to help others than ten thousand words in an unknown language” (1 Corinthians 14:19 NLT). He is not discounting the validity of tongues as a gift, but he is elevating the priority of communication and edification.

One of the more difficult portions of this passage to understand is Paul’s claim, “I thank God that I speak in tongues more than all of you” (1 Corinthians 14:18 ESV). Many in the charismatic movement who view tongues as ecstatic utterances and not actual languages use this verse as proof that Paul used the gift of tongues in private. But in every case where tongues is mentioned in the New Testament, it is in a corporate context. Not only that, but it always involved unbelievers, such as on the day of Pentecost.

Paul even goes on to clarify that “tongues are a sign not for believers but for unbelievers” (1 Corinthians 14:22 ESV). So what does Paul mean when he says that he speaks in tongues more than any of them? I think he is using sarcasm. He is saying that what they claim is the gift of tongues is not tongues at all. Paul had evidently spoken in tongues before, and he had done so in keeping with the New Testament criteria that it be done for the benefit of non-believers. More than likely, Paul is referring to his ability to speak more than one language. He was fluent in Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic, and likely spoke Latin as well. It would seem that Paul was referring to his ability to speak foreign languages to those who understood them. But his emphasis remains on the church's corporate environment. 

“in a church meeting I would rather speak five understandable words to help others than ten thousand words in an unknown language.” – 1 Corinthians 14:19 NLT

The bottom line for Paul was the proper use of the gifts, in keeping with God’s design for them. If they did not benefit others, either the lost or other believers, they were being misused or even abused. Paul will go on to use an absurd example intended to show the danger of the Corinthians’ improper view of gifts.

If one Sunday the entire congregation broke out in the gift of tongues and an unbeliever walked in the door, he would be confused rather than edified. This stranger to their fellowship would have no idea what they were saying and would probably conclude that everyone had lost their minds.

The disciples of Jesus got a similar response when they spoke in tongues at Pentecost. Some who heard them were amazed, while others were perplexed. Then there were those who just accused them of being drunk. However, the overall effect was that this powerful outpouring of the Spirit drew the attention of the crowd that had gathered.

“How can this be?” they exclaimed. “These people are all from Galilee, and yet we hear them speaking in our own native languages! Here we are—Parthians, Medes, Elamites, people from Mesopotamia, Judea, Cappadocia, Pontus, the province of Asia, Phrygia, Pamphylia, Egypt, and the areas of Libya around Cyrene, visitors from Rome (both Jews and converts to Judaism), Cretans, and Arabs. And we all hear these people speaking in our own languages about the wonderful things God has done!” – Acts 2:7-11 NLT

And Peter used the opportunity to share the gospel.

The gift of tongues had a divine purpose, yet any gift that does not edify is being misused. Any view of the gifts that emphasizes the emotions over spiritual edification is misguided and dangerous. There must be a benefit to the entire congregation. Which is why Paul said, “If I come to you speaking in tongues, how will I benefit you unless I bring you some revelation or knowledge or prophecy or teaching?” (1 Corinthians 14:6 ESV). When we are operating in the power of the Spirit, it is for the benefit of all. It is for the building up of the body of Christ, not the individual.

Father, there is still a lot of debate over the nature of the gift of tongues. It remains a divisive topic that pits believer against believer. Arguments erupt over whether it is the gift of ecstatic utterances or actual languages. We spend far too much time arguing over what the gift of tongues is, when we should be more concerned about what You intended it for. As always, we tend to make everything about ourselves, just as the Corinthians were doing. Their obsession over certain gifts was not building up the body of Christ; it was dividiing it. Their incessant desire to possess the superior gift was prideful, not helpful. It was selfless rather than selfless. But it is so easy to make our personal spirituality a badge of honor and a form of one-upmanship. Comparison and competition are deadly to the body of Christ. So, I ask that You expose our ungodly obsession with spiritual elitism and replace it with a desire to serve the body of Christ in humility and in the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

I Will Hope In Him

19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
    the wormwood and the gall!
20 My soul continually remembers it
    and is bowed down within me.
21 But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
27 It is good for a man that he bear
    the yoke in his youth.

28 Let him sit alone in silence
    when it is laid on him;
29 let him put his mouth in the dust—
    there may yet be hope;
30 let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
    and let him be filled with insults.

31 For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
32 but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
33 for he does not afflict from his heart
    or grieve the children of men. – Lamentations 3:19-33 ESV

Jeremiah was not afraid to tell God how he was feeling. And one of the reasons he felt comfortable sharing his heart with God is because he knew how much God cared for him. He could dare to bare his soul because he believed that his Heavenly Father was already aware of his plight and was the only source of hope he had left. There was no king in Israel he could turn to for help. The army had been destroyed. The capital lay in ruins. Even the temple of God was nothing but a smoldering pile of rubble. And as Jeremiah surveyed his surroundings and evaluated his circumstances, the only thing he had left was his relationship with God.

Jeremiah’s mood was dark and he was having a difficult time accepting all that had happened. When he looked around him he saw nothing that could put a positive spin on his circumstances. Happy thoughts were hard to come by. Perseverance was in short supply. And his hope was dwindling fast.

I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
    so has my hope from the Lord.”  – Lamentations 3:17-18 ESV

He was beginning to doubt God. The pressing problems of life were taking a toll on his faith. This prophet of God was allowing the circumstances of life to determine his perspective about God. But he caught himself. He realigned his thoughts and refocused his attention on what he knew to be true about God, and his hope was restored.

But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope… – Lamentations 3:21 ESV

And what was it that Jeremiah called to mind? The unwavering, never-ceasing love of the Lord.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness. – Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

In the midst of all the uncertainty surrounding him, Jeremiah found hope in the certainty of God’s love. With all the change that had happened in Judah, Jeremiah forced himself to focus on the one thing that would consistently remain the same: The faithful love of the Lord.

All that had happened in Judah was not to be taken as a sign that God no longer loved them. The judgment they had experienced had been an expression of God’s love for them. He had been lovingly correcting them.

“My child, don’t make light of the LORD’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.” – Hebrews 12:6-7 NLT

Just as a parent disciplines a child, the LORD your God disciplines you for your own good. – Deuteronomy 8:5 NLT

But when you’re on the receiving end of God’s judgment, it is difficult to see it as loving and good. It is painful and unpleasant. It appears to be unkind and unnecessary. But the author of Hebrews would have us remember that even human fathers lovingly discipline their children. So, how much more so must our Heavenly Father discipline those whom He calls His own?

For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. – Hebrews 12:10-11 NLT

For Jeremiah, his hope was based on the unchanging nature of God. The love of God never ceases. His capacity to show mercy is endless. His mercies show up every day just like the morning sun. His faithfulness is great – which means it is beyond measure, limitless, totally sufficient and will never run out. The presence of problems was not to be seen as proof of the absence of God’s faithfulness. He was the covenant-keeping God who always fulfills His promises. And while things looked bleak in Judah, God had not abandoned His people or His prophet.

And Jeremiah, as much to himself as to the people around him, points out the key to thriving under the loving discipline of God.

The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
    to those who search for him.
So it is good to wait quietly
    for salvation from the Lord.
And it is good for people to submit at an early age
    to the yoke of his discipline… – Lamentations 3:25-27 NLT

Yes, the days were dark. The conditions in Judah were bleak and unpleasant. But God was loving, gracious, kind, and compassionate. He had a purpose behind all the pain. Their suffering was intended to act as a divine wake-up call, alerting the people of Judah to the seriousness of their sin and their need for God’s salvation.

God had removed every prop upon which they had built their lives. Their human king and his earthly kingdom had been destroyed. Their prophets and priests, intended to be the spokesmen for God, had been silenced. The sacrificial system, meant to provide atonement for sin, had been eliminated. Their economy was shot. Their homes had been demolished. Their neighbors had been taken captive. And their prospects for the future were bleak. But God was still there. And that’s why Jeremiah said, “there may yet be hope” (Lamentations 3:29 ESV).

But before they could hope to be rescued by God, they were going to have to accept the discipline of God. They were going to have to willingly submit to His loving instruction. To stubbornly resist His discipline would do little more than prolong the pain. They had a lesson to learn and God would patiently persist until they were as willing to accept His instruction as they were His salvation.

And Jeremiah reminds his people that God’s steadfast love and unwavering faithfulness will one day result in their restoration to a right relationship with Him.

For no one is abandoned
    by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
    because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
For he does not enjoy hurting people
    or causing them sorrow. – Lamentations 3:31-33 NLT

Despite the catastrophic circumstances surrounding the nation of Judah, God was not done with them. He had plans in place that would result in their future blessing. His love had not run out. His mercies had not been tapped out. This whole state of affairs was all part of God’s divine plan and He had already told them how it was going to work out.

This is what the Lord says: “You will be in Babylon for seventy years. But then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” – Jeremiah 29:10-13 NLT

And this is what led Jeremiah to say, “this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope.”

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

A Responsible Response.

Proverbs 9

"But correct the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be even wiser. Teach the righteous and they will learn even more." – Proverbs 9:8-9 NLT

Nobody likes to be corrected, right? Who in their right mind likes to be rebuked, called out, or even judged by someone else? Just the thought of it can raise my blood pressure. It causes me to stiffen up and start defending my rights, protecting my territory and justifying my actions as just and right. But according to the Book of Proverbs, there are a group of individuals, albeit a small group, who actually enjoy being corrected. In fact, if you do correct them, they will love you for it! Imagine that. Someone who actually loves being corrected. Their response is LOVE. The Hebrew word is ahab, and it is a verb that refers to human love for another. It is also translated as "friend" in the Old Testament. It is the word used of Abraham when he is called the friend of God. When you correct a wise person, he actually views you as a friend, not an enemy. He takes your correction as a good thing, not a bad thing. He is grateful because he understands that correction is the key to change and maturity. Sometimes we can't see our own faults. We are oblivious to our blind spots and we need the input of others to help us recognize areas of our lives that need work. The wise man knows he has faults, whether he sees them or not, and does not become defensive or angry when they are exposed. Instead, he loves the one who corrects him. He is grateful.

The wise person also accepts instruction willingly and gratefully. He is wise because he loves to learn. He has an appetite for knowledge and so he gladly accepts instruction from others. In the Hebrew text, the word "instruction" is not actually there. It simply says, "give to the wise." It carries the idea of exchange or interaction. If you interact with a wise person, they will grow in wisdom. They love the exchange of ideas. They are not afraid to debate, discuss, or expose themselves to other viewpoints. They are not one-dimensional or closed to hearing the other side of an argument. They will gladly dialogue and grow wiser through the exchange. If their viewpoint is right, they will remain firm in their conviction. If they discover they are wrong, they will grow wiser from having had the discussion.

You can teach the wise. They are not so sure of themselves or set in their ways that they refuse to learn from others. The wise are constant learners. They learn from their mistakes. They learn vicariously, voraciously and constantly. When we refuse to learn, we reveal that we are fools. Fools hate correction and instruction because they refuse to admit their own ignorance. They are content to remain foolish. Fools have a false view of life, seeing themselves as wise and everyone else as fools. The wise have a healthy view of life, seeing themselves as perpetual students and life as schoolroom. Their perspective is based on a fear of God that results in humility and a growing dependence on Him. Their love of learning and correction is based on their understanding that God is their teacher. He is the all-wise, all-knowing God who is constantly imparting His wisdom to them in a variety of ways through a myriad of sources. They see wisdom as a gift from God and learning as an opportunity, not a burden.

Father, teach me. Correct me. Mold me and make me into the likeness of Your Son. Give me the attitude of a wise man, so that I might love correction, teaching and instruction. Remove the pride from my life and make me moldable and pliable. I have much to learn. I have blind spots I can't see. I have foolishness that needs to be exposed. Amen