The God-Given Gift of Love and Sexuality

She

1 Oh that you were like a brother to me
    who nursed at my mother’s breasts!
If I found you outside, I would kiss you,
    and none would despise me.
2 I would lead you and bring you
    into the house of my mother—
    she who used to teach me.
I would give you spiced wine to drink,
    the juice of my pomegranate.
3 His left hand is under my head,
    and his right hand embraces me!
4 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    that you not stir up or awaken love
    until it pleases.

5 Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
    leaning on her beloved?

Under the apple tree I awakened you.
There your mother was in labor with you;
    there she who bore you was in labor.

6 Set me as a seal upon your heart,
    as a seal upon your arm,
for love is strong as death,
    jealousy is fierce as the grave.
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
    the very flame of the Lord.
7 Many waters cannot quench love,
    neither can floods drown it.
If a man offered for love
    all the wealth of his house,
    he would be utterly despised. – Song of Solomon 8:1-7 ESV

As this epic poem begins to wrap up, the rhetoric within it amps up. It seems that the further along in the dialogue we get, the more shocking the language and imagery becomes. But I don’t think this is all for the shock value. These words are penned by two people who are expressing their deep and abiding affection for one another. Nothing is hidden. There are no subjects that are off-limits or taboo. While this book was divinely inspired like all the other books in the canon of Scripture, when Solomon wrote it, he had no idea it would become part of the Bible, the world’s most popular and widely read book of all time.

So, the imagery and language contained within the Song of Solomon have always confused and disturbed its readers. It seems out of place among all the other books of the Bible. Its content is too controversial and even considered X-rated by some. There are those who avoid this book like the plague. Others, in an attempt to resolve its shocking use of sexual imagery and language, have spiritualized its content to the point where it no longer makes much sense. That is not to say there is no underlying spiritual message contained within the pages of the Song of Solomon but that the graphic and sometimes lurid nature of its content should not be dismissed as nothing more than one lengthy metaphor.

Those who approach this book with a puritanical zeal, wishing to reinterpret its language as nothing more than a symbol of God’s love for His chosen people or Christ’s love for His bride, the Church, end up dehumanizing and diminishing its message. In some sense, their attempt to de-sexualize its content ended up devaluing much of its message. It’s amazing that even today, in our highly sexualized culture, this book still comes across as inappropriate and offensive. There is still a sense in which Christians believe that any talk about the human body or sexuality is inappropriate for polite conversation. But the content in this book is difficult to ignore because it confronts our prudish sensibilities and makes us squirm.  All its talk of intimate body parts and passionate love-making makes us uncomfortable.

Yet, the Song of Solomon is as much a part of the canon of Scripture as the Psalms or the four Gospels. It too was “breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16 ESV). So the question becomes, what is this book attempting to teach us? In what ways could it be trying to reprove and correct us? How could its content be used to train us in righteousness? 

The answers to these questions must be found in the prevailing message of the book. It is impossible to completely dismiss the fact that this is a love poem. It is blatantly and sometimes embarrassingly about the love between a man and a woman. But that should not make us uncomfortable. Love is of God because God is love, and the sexual union between one man and one woman was His idea. But like all of God’s good and gracious gifts, this one was irreparably damaged by the entrance of sin into the world. Satan has taken what God intended for good and turned it into a self-seeking, soul-destroying weapon in his battle against humanity.

Jesus stated, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10 NLT). God created man and woman and endowed them with the capacity for procreation, but He also blessed them with the ability to love and enjoy the intimacy and physicality of the sexual relationship. It was not to be some primal act of hormonal urges designed to propagate the species. God equipped Adam and Eve with the physiological and psychological tools they would need to make more of their kind and to enjoy themselves in the process. That is what the Song of Solomon is all about.

Even in Solomon’s day, prudishness reigned supreme. There was certain actions that were inappropriate and deemed unacceptable in public. His love-struck wife makes that painfully clear when she bluntly states, “Oh, I wish you were my brother, who nursed at my mother’s breasts. Then I could kiss you no matter who was watching, and no one would criticize me” (Song of Solomon 8:1 NLT). This woman couldn’t keep her hands off of her husband. Even in public, she had a difficult time controlling her urge to kiss him. Her rather strange-sounding wish for him to be her brother is just her way of venting her frustration. In her culture, it was fully acceptable for a sister to show affection to her male sibling, even in public. But if she dared to display any signs of affection to her husband while others were watching, she would be considered sex-crazed and lacking in discretion.

She goes on to describe her and her “brother” engaging in intimate activities in their childhood home. The language she uses is blunt and highly suggestive, no matter how much you try to couch it in metaphorical terms. She wants everyone to know just how much she loves her husband. Her discussion of public displays of affection may make us uncomfortable but it should also convict us. The longer her marriage lasts, the more intense her love for her husband grows, and she wants to shout their love from the rooftops. She is proud of and pleased with the love of her life.

This is not a woman for whom marital love has run out of steam. Her sexual desire has not diminished over time. Her husband’s aging body has not lost its appeal for her. The passion of her youth has not gone away and she has spent it on someone else. She remains totally committed to her marriage and deeply in love with her husband.

In a world driven by casual sex, no-fault divorce, and short-term commitments, this woman is a breath of fresh air, and her take on love has never been more timely and needed.

For love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy as enduring as the grave.
Love flashes like fire,
    the brightest kind of flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
    nor can rivers drown it. – Song of Solomon 8:6-7 NLT

For some reason, we want to separate love from sex. Even Christians can end up viewing sex as somehow tainted and stained by its close association with our fallen human bodies. This dualistic mindset causes us to view love as some kind of separate and distinct characteristic that operates independently from our physical desires and passions. Ever since the fall, mankind has ended up associating sex with lust rather than love. Instead of seeing the sexual act as a gift from God, we have demonized and devalued it to the point of sacrilege. Human sexuality is a gift from God. To view it as somehow dirty or damaged is to question the goodness of God. True love, which includes the physical intimacy between a man and a woman, is a remarkable gift from our Creator-God. It is not to be despised. It is not to be treated with disdain or disgust. Love, as designed by God in the marriage relationship, is priceless value and cannot be bought or sold.

If a man tried to buy love
    with all his wealth,
    his offer would be utterly scorned. – Song of Solomon 8:7 NLT

But it is to be enjoyed and protected at all costs – for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

In It For the Longhaul

She

1 I am a rose of Sharon,
    a lily of the valleys.

He

2 As a lily among brambles,
    so is my love among the young women.

She

3 As an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
    so is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
    and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
4 He brought me to the banqueting house,
    and his banner over me was love.
5 Sustain me with raisins;
    refresh me with apples,
    for I am sick with love.
6 His left hand is under my head,
    and his right hand embraces me!
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
    until it pleases.

8 The voice of my beloved!
    Behold, he comes,
leaping over the mountains,
    bounding over the hills.
9 My beloved is like a gazelle
    or a young stag.
Behold, there he stands
    behind our wall,
gazing through the windows,
    looking through the lattice.
10 My beloved speaks and says to me:
“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away,
11 for behold, the winter is past;
    the rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth,
    the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
    is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree ripens its figs,
    and the vines are in blossom;
    they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away.

He

14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
    in the crannies of the cliff,
let me see your face,
    let me hear your voice,
for your voice is sweet,
    and your face is lovely.

She

15 “Catch the foxes for us,
    the little foxes
that spoil the vineyards,
    for our vineyards are in blossom.

16 “My beloved is mine, and I am his;
    he grazes among the lilies.
17 Until the day breathes
    and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
    or a young stag on cleft mountains.” – Song of Solomon 2:1-17 ESV

In the opening lines of this chapter, the maiden continues to describe herself in terms that are meant to convey her desire for her lover to find her attractive. Earlier in the poem, her self-description seemed to border on self-deprecation, as she pointed out her sun-darkened skin. She appears to have feared that her lack of a porcelain-like complexion would be unattractive to her beloved.

But here, she compares herself to two common flowers of the field, located in a region called the Sharon. When we read, “Rose of Sharon” we tend to think of an expensive rose purchased from the local florist, but this was most likely a commonplace flower of the bulb family, like a crocus, narcissus, iris, or daffodil. They were everywhere in the rich and fertile valley of the Sharon. She isn’t describing herself as being rare and unequaled in one-of-a-kind beauty but as one among many. She is no more unique or attractive than the maidens who appeared earlier in the poem. It is not her stunning beauty that sets her apart but her awareness of her own commonness. She is a simple flower of the field, a lily of the valley. In a sense, she is confessing that girls like her are a dime a dozen.

But her lover refutes her seeming self-deprecation by declaring her to be a “lily among brambles” (Song of Solomon 2:2 ESV). According to him, all the other maidens are no more than thorns and thistles when compared to her beauty. He sees her through the love-smitten eyes of a passionate admirer who has lost his ability to appreciate the beauty of anyone but her. She is anything but a garden-variety flower to him; she is eye-catching and heart-stirringly beautiful beyond compare.

In an attempt to equal his kind and gracious words, the young woman returns the compliment by comparing him to a fruit-bearing tree nestled among the towering trees of the forest. It is unlikely that she is referring to an apple tree, even though that is a common interpretation of the Hebrew word, tapûaḥ. But since apple trees are rare in that region of the Middle East, it is more likely a reference to a lemon or citron tree. Her point seems to be that her lover stands out among the crowd; he is unlike all the others. In a forest of similarly looking and completely fruitless trees, he is a fruitful and refreshing change of pace.

It is difficult to read her descriptions of her lover and not see them as having erotic and sexual overtones.

“I sit in his delightful shade
    and taste his delicious fruit.” – Song of Solomon 2:3 NLT

Her thinly veiled sexual attraction is hard to miss; she finds her lover extremely attractive and desirable. She can barely contain herself but attempts to disguise her hormone-infused urges with metaphorical flourishes designed to send a pointed message that she hopes her beloved understands.

She is so smitten by the love of her life that she describes herself as “sick with love” (Song of Solomon 2:4 ESV). She’s love sick. Her pheromones are firing at a fever pitch and she can hardly constrain herself. Any moments she gets to spend with this man are like heaven on earth. Whether it’s enjoying a meal together or spending intimate moments together when no one else is around, she relishes every opportunity to be in his presence. Enjoying his company is a form of nourishment to her, like consuming delicious fresh fruit. He feeds and fulfills her, and she begs her unmarried friends not to settle for anything less than a faithful and fruitful future husband. Marriage is meant to last forever and that can feel like an unbearable eternity when you fail to choose a mate whose very presence complements and completes you.

As much as she longs to be in the presence and arms of her lover, the maiden reveals how much she enjoys having the roles reversed. In verses 8-9, she paints the picture of her lover seeking out her company.

“Ah, I hear my lover coming!
    He is leaping over the mountains,
    bounding over the hills.
My lover is like a swift gazelle
    or a young stag.
Look, there he is behind the wall,
    looking through the window,
    peering into the room.” – Song of Solomon 3:8-9 NLT

Nothing thrills a young girl’s heart more than the thought of being pursued. The fact is, this is a common trait of every human being, male and female. We all desire the love and attention of another, and for this young lady, the prospect of her love interest reciprocating her desire for companionship was highly appealing.

She imagines him coming to her home and begging her to run away with him.

“Rise up, my darling!
    Come away with me, my fair one!
Look, the winter is past,
    and the rains are over and gone.
The flowers are springing up,
    the season of singing birds has come,
    and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.
The fig trees are forming young fruit,
    and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming.
Rise up, my darling!
    Come away with me, my fair one!” – Song of Solomon 2:10-13 NLT

She couldn’t wait for the day when he popped the question and asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. That day would be the most spectacular moment of her young life and the start of a mutual journey of love and life that would have no perceivable end.

But in verse 14, we hear from the groom-to-be, who expresses his impression that his future bride is playing hard to get. He accuses her of “hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff” (Song of Solomon 2:14 NLT). It is as if she is playing coy and feigning a reticence to take their relationship to the next level. Each of them has a slightly different take on where they are in their ongoing quest for marital bliss, but they both want the same thing.

They long to take their relationship to the next level, but each of them is coming at it from a slightly different perspective. It seems clear that she is more than just a love-sick young woman who is overly optimistic and unaware of the pitfalls that come with any relationship. That is why she begs her lover to “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love” (Song of Solomon 2:15 NLT). She is painfully aware that there are a host of issues that could spell doom for their relationship if they are left unchecked and unattended to. These seemingly insignificant “little foxes” have a way of doing irreparable damage if allowed to run amuck in the “vineyard” of a relationship. So, she begs her lover to do whatever it takes to remove these pests before it is too late. A healthy long-term marriage must be planted in a vineyard where fruitfulness is possible because steps have been taken to eliminate any unnecessary threats and unwanted interlopers who might do harm to its future sustainability and viability.

In verses 16-17, the maiden returns to her original analogy of her as a lily in the field. She invites her lover to seek her among all the other lilies of the field, once again recognizing her uniqueness and determining to make her his own. He grazes among the lilies but he only has eyes for her. As the two of them continue their ongoing relationship, she encourages him to remain faithful and committed to their future together. Their journey has just begun, but she is thoroughly convinced that they have a long and prosperous future ahead of them.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

More Than Skin Deep

She

12 While the king was on his couch,
    my nard gave forth its fragrance.
13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
    that lies between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
    in the vineyards of Engedi.

He

15 Behold, you are beautiful, my love;
    behold, you are beautiful;
    your eyes are doves.

She

16 Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful.
Our couch is green;
17     the beams of our house are cedar;
    our rafters are pine. – Song of Solomon 1:12-17 ESV

There is much debate as to whether this poem is in chronological order or if it is a collection of smaller poems that fail to share a common time sequence. If they are meant to follow one another in sequential order, there appear to be some fairly large gaps in the narrative. The dialogue seems to take a fast leap forward between the first 11 verses of chapter one and the remaining six verses.

The relationship between the two lovers deepens in significance and their rhetoric intensifies, describing what seems to suggest is a much more physical and intimate aspect of their growing love for one another. The young Shulammite maiden describes seeing her lover reclining on his dining couch. As she gazes at him she can’t help but feel a deep attraction to him, comparing him to the fragrant blossoms of the henna plant found in the vineyards of Engeddi.

She reveals her hope that the attraction between them is mutual and that her perfume is having its desired effect. She has adorned herself with a necklace featuring a sachet of aromatic myrrh that hands strategically between her breasts. All of this language suggests that she was trying to seduce her lover. She has spared no expense, having anointed her body with costly nard, a fragrant oil that would have filled the room in which they sat. This is the same type of oil that was used to anoint the head of Jesus.

And while he [Jesus] was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” – Mark 14:3-5 ESV

This young woman has gone to great expense to gain the attention of her beloved and her efforts produced the intended result. Despite the strategically placed necklace and the aromatic perfume, his gaze is drawn to her eyes.

“How beautiful you are, my darling,
    how beautiful!
    Your eyes are like doves.” – Song of Solomon 1:15 NLT

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Looking into someone’s eyes can reveal a lot about their character and their intentions. Jesus described them as lamps that provide light for the body. In a sense, they are portals that control what enters into your heart and reveal its condition to all those around you.

“Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” – Matthew 6:22-23 NLT

In praising the beauty of her eyes, Solomon is looking beneath the surface and complimenting her inner character; she is beautiful inside and out. She has adorned herself with jewelry and expensive perfume, but his gaze is attracted to that which lies within. It is not unlike the earlier compliment she gave to him.

“…your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils…” – Song of Solomon 1:3 NLT

His name, which is synonymous with his character, is like a well-pleasing aroma that follows him wherever he goes. In other words, his reputation precedes him, but in a good way. There is little doubt that this couple shares a mutual attraction to one another but it is more than skin deep. Their emphasis on one another’s inner character is refreshing and provides a wonderful glimpse into a missing ingredient in many relationships today. With our modern-day obsession with externals, it is so easy to overlook the condition of the heart. Social media allows us to create the perfect persona by providing a means of carefully curating only those images that reflect our preferred identity. Few people post unflattering images of themselves online. The increasing availability of software that can enhance or dramatically alter our visage makes it possible to portray ourselves in a way that is more wishful thinking than reality.

Yet, this couple was anything but lovestruck and blinded by passion. They appear to be fully aware of each other’s inner qualities and that knowledge only enhanced their love for one another. 

But there is little doubt that this young woman was infatuated with her lover’s outer appearance. She makes that point embarrassingly clear when she states, “You are so handsome, my love, pleasing beyond words!” (Song of Solomon 1:16 NLT). He was good-looking as well as being of good character, and those two traits made him all the more appealing to her. The old adage, “Love is blind,” is meant to convey the idea that outer beauty is not the only factor considered when two people fall in love. There is far more to the equation than simply good looks, and yet, it never hurts to fall in love with someone who is easy on the eyes. That is clearly the case with her beloved.

Just being out in nature with her significant other brings her great joy and pleasure. She describes the great outdoors as if it is their private sanctuary.

“The soft grass is our bed;
    fragrant cedar branches are the beams of our house,
    and pleasant smelling firs are the rafters.” – Song of Solomon 1:17 NLT

This should not be taken as a description of sexual intercourse or an inference that this couple was involved in any kind of immorality. She simply describes a carefree afternoon with the love of her life as they share the beauty of God’s creation and one another’s company. Just being together brought her great joy. While they were not yet married and didn’t share a home together, they were able to turn every moment into an opportunity to live as if they were already one.

This relationship was being built on a foundation of mutual respect, shared admiration, unwavering love, and a commitment to the long haul. They were in this for the duration, and while their words reflect a somewhat innocent and inexperienced outlook on love, it is clear that there is more to this relationship than meets the eye.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.