Song of Solomon 5

Looks Can’t Last, But Friendship Lasts

Maidens

9 What is your beloved more than another beloved,
    O most beautiful among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
    that you thus adjure us?

She

10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
    distinguished among ten thousand.
11 His head is the finest gold;
    his locks are wavy,
    black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
    beside streams of water,
bathed in milk,
    sitting beside a full pool.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spices,
    mounds of sweet-smelling herbs.
His lips are lilies,
    dripping liquid myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold,
    set with jewels.
His body is polished ivory,
    bedecked with sapphires.
15 His legs are alabaster columns,
    set on bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
    choice as the cedars.
16 His mouth is most sweet,
    and he is altogether desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
    O daughters of Jerusalem. Song of Solomon 5:9-16 ESV

Not to be outdone by her husband’s penchant for over-the-top rhetoric, the newly married and still love-struck bride attempts to one-up his earlier metaphor-laden description of her with an overly flattering and imagery-intense portrait of him. What follows is another exaggerated and somewhat exasperating display of blind love that makes for difficult reading. She appears to be answering a query from the same group of single women whom she asked for assistance locating her missing husband. They want to know why they should bother to help her when it looks like he has walked out on her.

“Why is your lover better than all others,
    O woman of rare beauty?
What makes your lover so special
    that we must promise this?” – Song of Solomon 5:9 NLT

It’s impossible to know whether this group of still-single maidens actually existed and bothered to ask these questions, but it provides the perfect excuse for the bride to wax eloquent about her husband’s superior physical attributes. Don’t overlook the fact that during her lengthy answer, she fails to say anything about his character; it’s all about his looks. He’s ruggedly handsome with a dark complexion and a full head of thick wavy black hair.  His eyes are mesmerizing and appear like two shimmering jewels floating in a milky white background. His gaze is captivating and it seems that she believes he only has eyes for her.

It may be that Solomon had a full beard which he regularly perfumed with exotic spices.

His cheeks are like gardens of spices
    giving off fragrance. – Song of Solomon 5:13 NLT

He looked and smelled great. Not only that, she found his lips to be enticing and his physique to be more than pleasing to her eyes. One gets the impression that she regularly lusted after her husband’s well-toned body. From his head to his toes, Solomon was a delight to her eyes and a source of passionate desire. She sums it all up by stating, “he is desirable in every way” (Song of Solomon 5:16 NLT). In other words, he was a keeper. Despite her recent dream and its unexpected depiction of his sudden disappearance, she was still greatly in love and desired to be with him.

But she caps off her description of Solomon with the following words, “This is my beloved and this is my friend…” (Song of Solomon 5:16 ESV). Yes, she was deeply in love with his body and infatuated with his physical appearance but, even more importantly, she viewed Solomon as her closest friend. And this admission of her friendship with Solomon speaks volumes about their relationship. She saw him as her dearest and most treasured companion; her partner who would accompany her through all the seasons of life. His physical appearance may change over the years. His hair could turn grey or simply turn loose. Over time, his well-toned body could grow flabby and frail. His eyes could grow dim with age and his strength could diminish with time. But their friendship would persist. Her infatuation would be buoyed by tender-hearted affection for her soulmate and friend.

While the following verse has been memorialized as a compliment of “The Proverbs 31 Woman,” it could just as easily be amended to speak on behalf of a wife in gratitude for her godly husband.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
    but a [man] who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. – Proverbs 31:30 NLT

Solomon wouldn’t stay young forever. His body would not maintain its youthful vigor and energy. But despite the passing of time and the loss of his good looks, he could continue to be his wife’s best friend for a lifetime.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Inevitable Bump in the Road

He

1 I came to my garden, my sister, my bride,
    I gathered my myrrh with my spice,
    I ate my honeycomb with my honey,
    I drank my wine with my milk.

God

Eat, friends, drink,
    and be drunk with love!

She

2 I slept, but my heart was awake.
A sound! My beloved is knocking.
“Open to me, my sister, my love,
    my dove, my perfect one,
for my head is wet with dew,
    my locks with the drops of the night.”
3 I had put off my garment;
    how could I put it on?
I had bathed my feet;
    how could I soil them?
4 My beloved put his hand to the latch,
    and my heart was thrilled within me.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
    but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but found him not;
    I called him, but he gave no answer.
7 The watchmen found me
    as they went about in the city;
they beat me, they bruised me,
    they took away my veil,
    those watchmen of the walls.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    if you find my beloved,
that you tell him
    I am sick with love. – Song of Solomon 5:1-8 ESV

Having completed their wedding night, the groom declares his joy at having experienced the intimacy of the marriage bed with the love of his life. His words, while poetic and metaphorical in nature, are thinly veiled descriptions of this momentous and memorable occasion. He speaks these words of satisfaction to himself as he reflects on the physical pleasures that accompanied the consecration of their God-ordained union. He is not bragging about his sexual exploits but simply expressing his joyful delight and deep appreciation for all that has taken place.

He describes the gift of his bride’s virginity as a gift received with gratitude, and he makes it clear that it belongs solely to himself. Take note of the number of times he uses the first-person possessive suffix: “my.”

“I came to my garden, my sister, my bride, I gathered my myrrh with my spice, I ate my honeycomb with my honey, I drank my wine with my milk.”

He uses that same word nine times in one verse, making it virtually impossible to miss the message he is sending. His bride belongs to him and him alone. She has given him the most valuable item she possesses, the gift of her body and the commitment of her ongoing fidelity and faithfulness – for life. And he does not take this gift lightly.

We live in an age where sex has become a commodity, bought and sold to the highest bidder, and looked upon as nothing more than a biological interchange between two consenting adults. In our world, sex carries no real value other than the pleasure it might bring to one or both of the participants. But from God’s divine perspective, sex was always intended to be an expression of the union between one man and one woman, and it was always linked to the ordinance of marriage. Yes, it is the sole means by which humanity can reproduce more of its kind, but there has always been more to sex than procreation. It is to be viewed as a gift from God and treated with the utmost respect and sanctity.

Solomon was right to view his wife’s body as his own but his statements of possessiveness do not convey ownership or a sense of control. His wife is not his personal property to be used, abused, or forced to satisfy his sexual fantasies or comply with his every command. Solomon is expressing the same sentiment that Adam did when he saw Eve for the first time.

“This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” – Genesis 2:23 NLT

Adam was fully aware that this hand-crafted gift from God was the byproduct of his own flesh and blood. Eve was a literal part of him.

…the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. – Genesis 2:21-22 NLT

The apostle Paul adds another twist to this remarkable physical relationship between a husband and a wife, declaring that the man must view his wife as a permanent expression of his own personhood. She is to be seen as a vital part of himself and treated with love, honor, dignity, and respect at all times.

…husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. – Ephesians 5:28-29 NLT

The second half of verse 5 has proven to be a conundrum for biblical scholars over the centuries. There has been much debate concerning the speaker behind the words, with some speculating that they are the words of the wedding guests while others attribute them to Solomon as he rejoins the wedding guests after having consummated his marriage. What makes them difficult to understand is the use of the word, “friends,” which is in the plural form. If these are the words of Solomon, to whom is he speaking? And if the wedding guests are the source of these words, why would they be anywhere near the bedroom of Solomon and his bride?

It makes much more sense to view these as the words of God Himself, as He encourages the couple to enjoy the gift He has provided for them and to do so for years to come.

“Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love!” – Song of Solomon 5:1b NLT

Solomon’s rapturous recollection of his wedding night is followed by a far less delightful description of the loss of intimacy between the couple. No timeline is given as to when this event took place, but it is clear that something happened between Solomon and his new wife. The joy of their wedding night was interrupted by their first fight.

Solomon’s wife has yet another dream in which she hears the impassioned pleas of her husband begging for her to open the doors to her chamber.

“Open to me, my treasure, my darling,
    my dove, my perfect one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.” – Song of Solomon 5:2 NLT

But rather than comply with his wishes, she offers up excuses.

“I have taken off my robe.
    Should I get dressed again?
I have washed my feet.
    Should I get them soiled?” – Song of Solomon 5:3 NLT

It would appear that she was already in bed and had no desire to accommodate her husband’s calls to let him in. But her refusal to open the door only made Solomon more aggressive in his approach as made repeated attempts to open the door. His persistence made an impact on his wife, softening her heart and creating in her a desire to change her mind and open the door. But when she finally relented and unlocked the door to her chamber, her husband was nowhere to be found; he had given up and walked away.

“I jumped up to open the door for my love,
    and my hands dripped with perfume.
My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh
    as I pulled back the bolt.
I opened to my lover,
    but he was gone!
    My heart sank.” – Song of Solomon 5:5-6 NLT   

She was too late. She had waited too long. Her disinterest had produced disappointment and now she was forced to go on yet another nocturnal search for her missing husband (Song of Solomon 3:1-5). Rebuffed by his wife’s persistent refusal to open her door, Solomon had stalked away, probably in a state of anger and frustration.

This scene is all too familiar to any married couple. How quickly the love and infatuation of the wedding night can turn to disinterest and disappointment. As beautiful and appealing as the sexual aspect of marriage can be, it cannot be the sole source of solidarity. In other words, sex can’t hold a marriage together. There will be times when a couple falls out of love with one another; it is inevitable and unavoidable. Their physical desire will ebb and flow. One will withhold sexual intimacy from the other – sometimes for purely innocent reasons, but other times as a means to cause hurt.

In this case, it appears that the wife was simply tired and “not in the mood.” But rather than lovingly conveying her thoughts, she simply “locked the door” and left her husband to speculate and draw unhealthy conclusions. It is unlikely that he left her chamber that night in a happy state and fully satisfied with her rejection of his advances. All of this could have been avoided by a short and simple conversation, but this young couple had much to learn about marriage. 

Her search did not go well. Not only did she fail to find her husband, but she ended up brutally abused by the night watchmen. Fortunately, this was a dream and none of this took place in real life. But this dark aspect of her dream would seem to indicate that she suffered punishment for her refusal to open the door to her husband. In a sense, she blamed herself for his disappearance and suffered the consequences. 

In her dream, the young wife calls out to her friends, begging them to assist her in the search for her missing husband.

“Make this promise, O women of Jerusalem—
    If you find my lover,
    tell him I am weak with love.” – Song of Solomon 5:8 NLT

She regrets her earlier decision and longs to be reunited with her lover. She has learned a valuable lesson and only wants a second chance to renew her love and affection for the one she earlier rejected. This entire section paints an all too realistic view of the marriage relationship. it is not always easy and during the course of any marriage, the love between a husband and wife will ebb and flow. Sexual attraction will have its highs and lows. Poor communication will be a constant source of conflict.

Solomon and his bride were going to learn that a good marriage requires hard work. True love requires commitment, sacrifice, selflessness, and a desire to put the needs of others ahead of your own. The apostle Paul put it this way: “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:3-4 NLT). And while he wasn’t necessarily addressing his words to married couples, they are highly appropriate and applicable.

Solomon and his wife were learning that marriage is a covenant that requires so much more than mere physical attraction. To last a lifetime, a marriage will need the full buy-in and complete commitment of both the husband and the wife. But what makes a successful marriage is not the wholehearted commitment of two dedicated individuals, but the presence of God. He alone can turn a good marriage into a great one and transform two into one.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.