1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. – 1 Corinthians 7:1-6 ESV
As is usually the case in any congregation, there were two views or opinions influencing the church in Corinth. There were some whose Greek, dualistic way of thinking prompted them to see all sin as something done in the body and, therefore, permissible. These individuals viewed themselves as being made up a two natures: the body and the spirit. This pagan outlook on life caused them to excuse their immoral behavior as unimportant because it was merely the result of their temporal, earthly bodies, not their spirits.
But there was evidently another group within the church that also embraced dualism, but viewed it as a threat. Their solution was to practice a form of abstinence. Since they viewed the body as evil or sinful, they would simply deny the body anything that might cause it to sin, including sexual relations. In a previous letter they sent to Paul, they had commented: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (1 Corinthians 7:1b ESV). And while Paul saw a seed of truth in this statement, he also saw a serious danger. Their ongoing struggle with temptation toward sexual sin was going to make abstinence extremely difficult to carry off. The solution, according to Paul, was God-ordained marriage.
He tells them, “Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs” (1 Corinthians 7:2-3 NLT). It was that Paul was against abstinence or celibacy. In fact, a few verses later, he makes a comment about the unmarried and widows in the church.
It’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. – 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 NLT
Abstinence may result in the absence of sexual contact, but it cannot eliminate the problem of lust. In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus made the bold statement, “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28 ESV). Simply refraining from sexual intercourse does not fix the problem of lust, because it emanates from the heart. Again, Jesus said, “for from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander” (Matthew 15:19 NLT).
Any attempt to separate the spiritual and the physical was based on man’s logic, not God’s Word. God had created marriage as the proper means by which men and women could enjoy His gift of sexual intimacy. And while marriage does not eliminate the problem of lust within the hearts of men and women, it does provide a God-ordained outlet for the expression and experience of the act of sex between a man and a woman.
But Paul knew that the dualistic viewpoint of the Corinthians could be destructive to God’s divine design for marriage. Some would choose to practice abstinence even within the confines of their marriage. However, Paul makes his view on this matter very clear.
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. – 1 Corinthians 7:5a NLT
They were not to deny one another sexual intimacy, unless they had a very good spiritual reason for doing so, and the only one Paul lists is prayer. Even if they practiced abstinence for the purpose of prayer, they were to do so for a limited time period. Why? Because Paul knew their hearts. That is why he warned them, “Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5b NLT).
We tend to view abstinence as a form of self-control or self-denial, but if used improperly, it can actually produce lust. A couple that mutually agrees to refrain from sexual intimacy runs the risk of turning their abstinence into lust. Their self-denial for spiritual purposes, if prolonged, may cause them to seek sexual fulfillment outside the bonds of marriage.
At the heart of Paul’s commands on this topic is his concern for the spiritual well-being of the congregation in Corinth. He had a burden that each believer’s relationship with Christ be lived out and permeate every area of their lives, including their marriages. He made a concession toward abstinence in marriage only if it was done to concentrate on more pressing spiritual matters, such as prayer. For one spouse to deny the other their rightful access to sexual fulfillment would be un-Christlike and selfish. Paul makes it clear that the husband’s body is not his own to do with as he sees fit; it belongs to his wife. The same is true of the wife; her body belongs to her husband. There is to be a selflessness and an attitude of sacrifice at the heart of every Christian marriage. IT would be inappropriate for a husband or wife to satisfy their own desires by denying their spouse what God has intended for their good,
Paul’s admonition to the Philippian believers echoes his thoughts here.
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. – Philippians 2:3-4 NLT
What better place to practice these practical warnings than within the context of a marriage? Any attempt to live a more godly life that ends up hurting someone else or denies the other person their God-ordained rights is misguided at best. We have been called to die to ourselves. We are commanded to put the other person first. We are to sacrifice willingly and selflessly. Spirituality is not about abstinence, but about obedience to the will of God as expressed in the Word of God and as lived out by the Son of God. He is to be our model. The Christ-like life is one of sacrifice, service, humility, and selfless love for others.
Father, marriage was Your idea, and yet, it has become infused with all kinds of warped and ungodly concepts that have made it a breeding ground for sin and selfishness. Sexual intimacy was also Your idea, but You confined it to the context of one woman married to one man. However, our society has attempted to destroy the God-ordained institution of marriage. As the Scriptures make clear, marriage was always meant to be an illustration of the union between Christ and His bride, the Church. When a husband and life live in faithfulness to one another, sacrificing their needs for the sake of the other, they model the selfless, sacrificial love of Christ. Would You empower Your people to make much of marriage and to use their own marriages as living illustrations of what it means to love as we have been loved — sacrificially, selflessly, and faithfully, for a lifetime. Amen
English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.