friendship with the world

The Lost Need a Savior, Not a Friend

14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
    and I will be their God,
    and they shall be my people.
17 Therefore go out from their midst,
    and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
    then I will welcome you,
18 and I will be a father to you,
    and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.” – 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 ESV

There is a huge difference between being a conduit through which God’s redeeming grace can flow to the lost and becoming, as Paul describes it, unequally yoked with them. It was Paul’s desire that the Corinthians be gracious and loving to all, but he feared that they would turn the love of God into tolerance and His graciousness into an inappropriate excuse to associate with the ungodly.

Paul had already witnessed their unacceptable handling of the man in their congregation who was having an affair with his stepmother. Rather than mourning over this man’s immoral behavior, they had arrogantly approved of it, allowing him to remain a part of their fellowship. But Paul read them the riot act, boldly stating, “You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst.” (1 Corinthians 5:2 NLT).

Paul’s concern was that the Corinthians would interpret his appeal to grace as an invitation to accept anyone and everyone, regardless of their behavior or lifestyle. Paul understood that we must meet people where they are to share the gospel with them, but that the power of the gospel would not allow them to remain in that same state, unchanged. The good news of Jesus Christ is transformative and life-altering.

Associating with the lost is necessary if we want to share with them the hope available to them through faith in Jesus Christ. But Paul differentiates between casual acquaintances and unhealthy associations. His concern is when a believer develops a close, overly accommodating relationship with an unbeliever. This passage often gets applied to the marriage context, and rightfully so. But it has more far-reaching applications, covering everything from business partnerships to close friendships. The imagery Paul uses is that of a yoke, a common farming implement that teams two animals to pull a plow. The idea of being unequally yoked involved putting two different animals with different temperaments in the yoke together, such as an ox and a donkey. These two animals have different physical characteristics and personalities and would not naturally associate with one another. So, if they were yoked together, they would pull at different speeds and actually fight one another, making the work inefficient and unacceptable to the farmer. Their efforts would be wasted, and the farmer’s goal of plowing the field would be thwarted.

This is what Paul has in mind when he tells the Corinthians not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers; such a partnership is unacceptable and antithetical. He compares it to light and darkness or righteousness and lawlessness. Unbelievers, by virtue of their unredeemed state, serve a different master, so why would a follower of Christ willingly align themselves with a child of Satan? Yes, that sounds harsh, but the apostle John reminds us of its reality.

Dear children, don’t let anyone deceive you about this: When people do what is right, it shows that they are righteous, even as Christ is righteous. But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil. Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them. So they can’t keep on sinning, because they are children of God. So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the devil. Anyone who does not live righteously and does not love other believers does not belong to God. – 1 John 3:7-10 NLT

Paul is not suggesting that believers avoid all relationships with the lost; that would be impossible. In fact, in his first letter to the Corinthians, he clarified a statement he had made that had been misunderstood and misapplied.

When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. – 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 NLT

Paul warns them against developing or maintaining unhealthy alliances with the lost. To do so would be counterproductive and put them in a position where their allegiance to Christ would be strained and hampered. Paul reminds the Corinthians that they are the temple of God, and uses a variety of Old Testament texts to drive home his point. Just as God had chosen the people of Israel to be His people, believers have been hand-picked by God to be members of His family. They have been separated by and consecrated to God. So God expects them to disassociate themselves from the other nations that surround them. That is what Paul means when he writes, “Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord” (2 Corinthians 6:17 NLT).

The apostle Peter encourages us to consider ourselves as aliens and strangers on this earth, living as if we don’t belong here, because our real home is in heaven.

Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world. – 1 Peter 2:11-12 NLT

We are citizens of a different Kingdom and answer to a different King, and while we are on this earth, we serve as His ambassadors, accomplishing His will by doing His work. That will become increasingly more difficult, if not impossible, if we align ourselves with those who do not share our allegiance to Him. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians in his first letter: “But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them, and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others” (1 Corinthians 2:14-15 NLT).

As children of God, we are to constantly submit ourselves to the will of God and serve Him at all times. But if we allow ourselves to become unequally yoked to a non-believer, either through marriage, friendship, or a business partnership, we will find ourselves in constant conflict. We will discover that our “plowing partner” has an agenda that competes with rather than complements our own. Rather than working together, we will fight one another, accomplishing little of God’s Kingdom work.

It is one thing to share the gospel with a lost individual, but it is another thing altogether to do life with them. We should love the lost and be willing to share the hope of Christ with them, but we must never forget that, in their unredeemed state, they are still enemies of God, living in rebellion against Him. Our goal should be their redemption, not a compromised relationship with them. Our purpose in associating with them is that they might know the love of God and be set free from their slavery to sin and death. But ignoring their sin just to enjoy their friendship is dangerous for us and, ultimately, a sign of a serious lack of love for them.

Father, we have to be very careful how we interpret and apply Your Son’s command to love our enemies. He wasn’t calling us to compromise our convictions or excuse their behavior; He was encouraging us to love them enough to tell them the truth about the gospel. That may require that we offend or upset them, and may have to face their wrath or rejection. But if we allow friendship to trump our calling to proclaim the good news, we do them more harm than good. By failing to tell them the truth about sin and their need for a Savior, we condemn rather than befriend them. The proverb is right when it states, “An open rebuke is better than hidden love. Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy” (Proverbs 27:5-6 NLT). Give me the boldness to speak truth even when it may result in the loss of a friend. Show me how to love well, never allowing compromise to supersede my commitment to Your Word and my calling to be an ambassador of the gospel. Amen

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.