know my heart

Repentance Leads to Restoration

19 “I called to my lovers,
    but they deceived me;
my priests and elders
    perished in the city,
while they sought food
    to revive their strength.

20 “Look, O Lord, for I am in distress;
    my stomach churns;
my heart is wrung within me,
    because I have been very rebellious.
In the street the sword bereaves;
    in the house it is like death.

21 “They heard my groaning,
    yet there is no one to comfort me.
All my enemies have heard of my trouble;
    they are glad that you have done it.
You have brought the day you announced;
    now let them be as I am.

22 “Let all their evildoing come before you,
    and deal with them
as you have dealt with me
    because of all my transgressions;
for my groans are many,
    and my heart is faint.” – Lamentations 1:19-22 ESV

What do most of us do when we face trouble of any kind? We get busy, devising plans and potential solutions to solve our problem. It’s human nature. We are wired to survive. And there is nothing inherently wrong with having our survival instincts kick into high gear. But for those who claim to believe in God, He should be their first line of defense. It is to Him they should call for aid and assistance. And if they should turn to Him for help, they need to be prepared to hear words that bring conviction and not just comfort. God may be trying to expose an area of their life that requires repentance and confession.

David, the great king of Israel and a man after God’s own heart, knew the power of conviction and confession. That is why he called out in the midst of his suffering and sorrow, pleading “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Psalm 139:23-24 NLT).

David was well aware that much of his suffering was self-inflicted. But he also knew that His sovereign God was intimately aware of and instrumental in the trials of his life. This was a man who understood the wickedness of his own heart and recognized his need for God to expose the true cause of his suffering. And he knew that no one knew him better than the One who had made him.

O Lord, you have examined my heart
    and know everything about me.
You know when I sit down or stand up.
    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
You see me when I travel
    and when I rest at home.
    You know everything I do.
You know what I am going to say
    even before I say it, Lord. – Psalm 139:1-4 NLT

Rather than attempting to solve his problems on his own, David was willing to reach out to God. Even after he had committed adultery with Bathsheba and ordered the murder of her husband in an attempt to cover up his sin, David had turned to God.

I recognize my rebellion;
    it haunts me day and night.
Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
    I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
    and your judgment against me is just.
For I was born a sinner—
    yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
But you desire honesty from the womb,
    teaching me wisdom even there. – Psalm 51:3-6 NLT

But let’s consider the response of Judah to the suffering inflicted upon them by God. Nowhere in Jeremiah’s poetic portrayal of their response to God’s judgment do we see any acknowledgment of their guilt or confession for their sins against Him. In fact, the only thing they admit to is their reliance upon other forms of rescue.

“I begged my allies for help,
    but they betrayed me.” – Lamentations 1:19 NLT

Their military alliance with Egypt had proven to be a bust. As the Babylonian army had made its way into the region they had left behind them a wake of death and destruction. And it was only natural for the kings of Judah to seek outside assistance. But God had warned them in advance not to turn to Egypt for help.

“What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,”
    says the Lord.
“You make plans that are contrary to mine.
    You make alliances not directed by my Spirit,
    thus piling up your sins.
For without consulting me,
    you have gone down to Egypt for help.
You have put your trust in Pharaoh’s protection.
    You have tried to hide in his shade.
But by trusting Pharaoh, you will be humiliated,
    and by depending on him, you will be disgraced.
For though his power extends to Zoan
    and his officials have arrived in Hanes,
all who trust in him will be ashamed.
    He will not help you.
    Instead, he will disgrace you.” – Isaiah 30:1-5 NLT

In times of distress, Judah was to have turned to God.

What sorrow awaits those who look to Egypt for help, trusting their horses, chariots, and charioteers and depending on the strength of human armies instead of looking to the LORD, the Holy One of Israel. – Isaiah 31:1 NLT

But rather than placing their trust in their all-powerful God, the people of Judah had turned to human kings for aid. Even the priests and political leaders of Judah had proven to be unreliable saviors in the face of God’s judgment. They had suffered the same fate as the rest of the people.

“My priests and leaders
    starved to death in the city,
even as they searched for food
    to save their lives.” – Lamentations 1:19 NLT

The people seem to recognize that their sad state is directly tied to their rebellion against God, but rather than repent they simply inform God about the extent of their suffering.

“Lord, see my anguish!
    My heart is broken
and my soul despairs,
    for I have rebelled against you.
In the streets the sword kills,
    and at home there is only death.” – Lamentations 1:20 NLT

Though their pain was real and their suffering was intense, they remained unrepentant. They were displaying what the apostle Paul describes as “worldly sorrow.”

For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death. – 2 Corinthians 7:10 NLT

And Jeremiah describes this worldly sorrow and the spiritual death it produces in stark terms.

“My groans are many,
    and I am sick at heart.” – Lamentations 1:22 NLT

There was no relief. Why? Because they remained stubbornly committed to their lifestyle of sin and open rebellion against God. They were unwilling to change their ways. They knew they were suffering God’s judgment but were not ready to live according to God’s law. The people of Judah deeply desired to be comforted by God but resisted any attempts to be convicted by God.

Amazingly, the people of Judah remembered God’s promises to bring judgment upon their enemies. And they begged Him to keep His word.

“When my enemies heard about my troubles,
    they were happy to see what you had done.
Oh, bring the day you promised,
    when they will suffer as I have suffered.” – Lamentations 1:21 NLT

But God was out to teach His chosen people a lesson. He wanted to see and acknowledge the wickedness of their ways. He desired that they might experience and display godly sorrow that would lead to repentance and restoration to a right relationship with Himself. The apostle Paul describes the amazing benefits that godly sorrow can produce in the people of God.

Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right. – 2 Corinthians 7:11 NLT

God didn’t need to hear His people describe their suffering. He had sent it. He wasn’t waiting for them to admit that they had sinned against Him. He already knew it. What God was waiting to see was a spirit of humility and genuine repentance among His people.

“…if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” – 2 Chronicles 7:14 NLT

English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Message (MSG)Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

A Risky Request.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. – Psalm 139:23-24 ESV Psalm 139

David closes out his prayer with a powerful petition. It is an apt summation of all that he has prayed up to this point. Fully aware that God knows everything about him and that there is nothing he can hide from God, David requests that God reveal what's going on in the inside of his own heart. This simply prayer reveals so much of what David knew about God, but ultimately, it lets us know that David knew God loved him. David trusted God. He was asking God to reveal things in his life to which he was either blind or simply oblivious. Rather than fear God's omniscience, David wanted to take advantage of it. He wanted the all-knowing, ever-present God to search inside the recesses of his heart and “point out anything in me that offends you.” That's a risky proposition. Not because God is going to discover something He didn't already know. That's been David's point all along. God already knows. But it's risky, because it means that God is going to reveal to David what he doesn't know, and then David is going to be faced with the choice of agreeing with it and confessing it, or disagreeing with it and denying it. The former results in God's forgiveness. The latter will result in His discipline.

But this prayer of David's should be that of every individual who calls Christ his or her Savior. Our relationship with Jesus Christ has provided us with an intimate relationship with God the Father. We are able to come into His presence and enjoy His love, grace and forgiveness. He has created us, redeemed us, and knows everything about us. He loves us deeply and sent His Son not only to die for us, but to make it possible for us to be progressively transformed into His image. To do that, He is constantly exposing the sin in our life so that we might confess it and enjoy His forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV). The truth is, we are incapable of seeing so much of the darkness that lies within our own hearts. Jeremiah the prophet wrote, “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?” (Jeremiah 17:9 ESV). The answer is God. He knows our hearts and He can reveal what is hidden from our view. God alone can reveal what is behind our “anxious thoughts.” The Hebrew word David uses is sar`aph and it refers to “disquieting thoughts.” God can tell us why we're so anxious and worried. He can tell us what is driving our fear. We may think it is a past-due bill, but God may show us that it really our lack of trust in His provision. We may think our anxiety is due to a damaged relationship, but God may reveal that it is really a fear of man or our own lack of love. God has the innate ability to get to the root issue. And so often, it is the result of sin. There was a time in David's life when he was having trouble sleeping. He could have written it off to his high-pressure job as king of Israel. But God reveals that it was the result of his affair with Bathsheba. David had internalized and rationalized his sin. But God saw it all and made sure David saw it as He did. That's where the risk comes in. But David knew that it was better to have his sins exposed by God than to try and live with them hidden. He knew he could fool others, but he could never fool God. He knows everything. And God was the key to David's spiritual transformation. He needed God to help him live righteously. He was a man after God's own heart, but he desperately needed God to constantly renew his heart. Refusing to let God reveal what is going on inside our hearts is like going to the doctor and refusing to let him tell us what is wrong with us. Not knowing will not make us better. Ignorance is not bliss. Unrevealed sin, like unseen cancer, does not mean it does not exist. It is there, wreaking havoc on our spiritual lives and doing damage to all those around us. We should want to know what God knows. When God had revealed to David the depth of the sin he had committed with Bathsheba, David prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10 ESV). God had convicted him. Now David wanted God to cleanse him. He knew that God alone was capable of cleaning up the mess he had made with his life. God doesn't just give us the prognosis, He provides the cure. He doesn't just point out our sin, He makes possible the prescription for renewed spiritual health and vitality.

We can't confess what we don't know. That's why we need God. We tend to see only the symptoms of our sin. God sees the source. He knows the root cause of all our thoughts, words and actions. We are blind to our pride, envy, idolatry, lust and more. But God sees it all. So David wanted the all-knowing God, who made Him and knew everything about him, to shine His divine flashlight into the recesses of his heart and point out anything and everything that offended Him. That's a risky, yet rewarding prayer to pray, because it will show us things we don't want to see, but it will also allow God to make us who He desires us to be.