The Discomfiting Comfort of Well-Meaning Friends

1 Then Bildad the Shuhite answered and said:

2 “How long will you say these things,
    and the words of your mouth be a great wind?
3 Does God pervert justice?
    Or does the Almighty pervert the right?
4 If your children have sinned against him,
    he has delivered them into the hand of their transgression.
5 If you will seek God
    and plead with the Almighty for mercy,
6 if you are pure and upright,
    surely then he will rouse himself for you
    and restore your rightful habitation.
7 And though your beginning was small,
    your latter days will be very great.

8 “For inquire, please, of bygone ages,
    and consider what the fathers have searched out.
9 For we are but of yesterday and know nothing,
    for our days on earth are a shadow.
10 Will they not teach you and tell you
    and utter words out of their understanding?

11 “Can papyrus grow where there is no marsh?
    Can reeds flourish where there is no water?
12 While yet in flower and not cut down,
    they wither before any other plant.
13 Such are the paths of all who forget God;
    the hope of the godless shall perish.
14 His confidence is severed,
    and his trust is a spider's web.
15 He leans against his house, but it does not stand;
    he lays hold of it, but it does not endure.
16 He is a lush plant before the sun,
    and his shoots spread over his garden.
17 His roots entwine the stone heap;
    he looks upon a house of stones.
18 If he is destroyed from his place,
    then it will deny him, saying, ‘I have never seen you.’
19 Behold, this is the joy of his way,
    and out of the soil others will spring.

20 “Behold, God will not reject a blameless man,
    nor take the hand of evildoers.
21 He will yet fill your mouth with laughter,
    and your lips with shouting.
22 Those who hate you will be clothed with shame,
    and the tent of the wicked will be no more.” – Job 8:1-22 ESV

Job’s impassioned plea to his friends fell on deaf ears. Like a contestant on a professional wrestling tag team, Eliphaz turned over the task of attacking Job to his partner, Bildad, who enters the ring with an abundance of energy and a lot to say.

He immediately picks up where Eliphaz left off, accusing Job of sinning against God. In his opinion, Job was an obstinate apostate who stubbornly refused to confess his sin and was suffering the consequences. From his perspective, Job was nothing more than a belligerent windbag whose persistent claims of innocence were a direct attack on God’s justice and integrity. Bildad even had the audacity to suggest that the deaths of Job’s adult children were the result of their own sins. They simply got what they deserved.

“How long will you go on like this?
    You sound like a blustering wind.
Does God twist justice?
    Does the Almighty twist what is right?
Your children must have sinned against him,
    so their punishment was well deserved.” – Job 8:2-4 NLT

Imagine yourself in Job's sandals. How would you have handled all that had happened to this man? He had lost everything, including his health, and now he was being "comforted" by his friends. They have looked at the circumstances of Job's life and logically but, wrongfully, concluded that it was all a result of sin – the sins of his children as well as his own.

In the middle of a tremendous time of pain, loss, and suffering, Job finds himself having to defend himself against the attacks of his closest friends. They meant well and their conclusions seem logical and even biblical at times, but in their zeal to assess Job’s guilt, they seem to have overlooked a few of God’s character qualities. They stress His justice but leave out His mercy. They portray God as vindictive and wrathful but ignore his love and grace. Their view of God is rather one-dimensional and, as a result, inaccurate. Whether they realize it or not, they have placed God in a box of their own making. They have worked out their own theology of God and allowed it to determine their interpretation of the world.

Bildad begins his counseling session with Job with a rhetorical question, "Does God twist justice? Does the Almighty twist what is right?" (Job 8:3 MSG). Of course, the answer is no, so this led Bildad to conclude that Job’s circumstances were the result of a just and righteous God justly dealing with Job's unrighteousness. To Bildad, it seemed like the only logical conclusion.

Job's assumed guilt is what drives the messages of each of his friends. But this begs the question: Was Job sinless? Again, the answer is no. He was a man living in a fallen world. Yet God declared him to be blameless.

The LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil." – Job 1:8 NASB

God was not declaring Job to be without sin. He was commending Job’s faithfulness. From God’s perspective, Job was a man of integrity and moral excellence who strived to live in a way that demonstrated his fear and reverence for the Lord.

Yet something tragic had taken place in this man's life. He had suffered tremendous loss, and Job's friends could only conclude that it was all the result of sin. And they are partially right. Virtually everything that happens in this world is the result of sin. It is a direct consequence of what theologians like to call “the fall.” When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they paved the way for sin to enter the world and infect the human race.

When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. – Romans  12:12 NLT

As a result, we live in a fallen world where sin reigns and even the creation is impacted by the presence of sin. Disasters happen. Earthquakes take place. Wildfires consume thousands of acres and hundreds of lives. And every person living on the planet is exposed to the effects of the fall. Good men and evil men all suffer. Righteous men get cancer. Godly women lose children. Faithful Christ-followers lose their jobs. Innocent children are born into abusive homes. That is life in a fallen world. In his commentary on the Book of Job, John Gill states, "Job's view in saying this is to observe, that a man's state God-ward is not to be judged of by his outward circumstances, whether he is a good man or a bad man, since they may both be in the same afflictions and distress, and which he opposes to the sentiments and sayings of Eliphaz and Bildad."

We can't judge based on circumstances alone. Yet that is exactly what Bildad was doing. His advice to Job was predicated on Job’s admission of guilt and his need for confession. If Job only humbled himself and asked for God’s forgiveness, all would be restored.

“But if you pray to God
    and seek the favor of the Almighty,
and if you are pure and live with integrity,
    he will surely rise up and restore your happy home.” – Job 8:5-6 NLT

God had already recognized and commended Job for his integrity and blamelessness, but Bildad seemed to know better. He had wrongly assumed that all tragedy and sorrow were the direct result of personal sin; not just the presence of sin in the world. 

Bildad pulls no punches and dares to describe his friend as godless and of being guilty of forgetting God. As far as Bildad could tell, Job was a fairweather God-follower who remained faithful as long as God blessed him with wealth and health. He viewed Job as an opportunist who sought a relationship with God only for what he could get out of it.

“The hopes of the godless evaporate.
Their confidence hangs by a thread.
    They are leaning on a spider’s web.
They cling to their home for security, but it won’t last.
    They try to hold it tight, but it will not endure.” – Job 8:13-15 NLT

Now that Job had no home in which to live, no family to love, and no semblance of health on which to rely, Bildad believed he was exposed as a fraud and a fake. He had only appeared to be blessed by God. But his problem-free world had been rocked by God and he had been brought to his knees.

“The godless seem like a lush plant growing in the sunshine,
    its branches spreading across the garden.
Its roots grow down through a pile of stones;
    it takes hold on a bed of rocks.
But when it is uprooted,
    it’s as though it never existed!” – Job 8:16-18 NLT

According to the “wisdom” of Bildad, all Job had to do was stop arguing and start confessing. He truly believed that Job had a serious pride problem and it was the source of all his problems. Once he confessed, everything would turn around.

“But look, God will not reject a person of integrity,
    nor will he lend a hand to the wicked.
He will once again fill your mouth with laughter
    and your lips with shouts of joy.
Those who hate you will be clothed with shame,
    and the home of the wicked will be destroyed.” – Job 8:20-22 NLT 

For Bildad, it was a simple black-and-white matter; Job was wicked and needed to be righteous. His lack of integrity had left him devoid of joy and laughter. His shame was his own fault. His destruction had been well-deserved.

But Bildad’s confidence didn’t make him right. In fact, he was woefully wrong and completely off-base in his assessment of Job’s situation. Yet Job's greatest dilemma was that he couldn't defend himself. He knew he was innocent. He was convinced that he had done nothing to deserve this kind of suffering. But how could he prove it? Who was he to argue with God? But he was more than willing to argue with Bildad. Unwilling to sit back and listen to the condemning rhetoric of his friend, Job prepared to give Bildad a piece of his mind and a primer on the sovereignty of God.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Good advice, well-timed, produces the best outcomes

14 “He who withholds kindness from a friend
    forsakes the fear of the Almighty.
15 My brothers are treacherous as a torrent-bed,
    as torrential streams that pass away,
16 which are dark with ice,
    and where the snow hides itself.
17 When they melt, they disappear;
    when it is hot, they vanish from their place.
18 The caravans turn aside from their course;
    they go up into the waste and perish.
19 The caravans of Tema look,
    the travelers of Sheba hope.
20 They are ashamed because they were confident;
    they come there and are disappointed.
21 For you have now become nothing;
    you see my calamity and are afraid.
22 Have I said, ‘Make me a gift’?
    Or, ‘From your wealth offer a bribe for me’?
23 Or, ‘Deliver me from the adversary's hand’?
    Or, ‘Redeem me from the hand of the ruthless’?

24 “Teach me, and I will be silent;
    make me understand how I have gone astray.
25 How forceful are upright words!
    But what does reproof from you reprove?
26 Do you think that you can reprove words,
    when the speech of a despairing man is wind?
27 You would even cast lots over the fatherless,
    and bargain over your friend.

28 “But now, be pleased to look at me,
    for I will not lie to your face.
29 Please turn; let no injustice be done.
    Turn now; my vindication is at stake.
30 Is there any injustice on my tongue?
    Cannot my palate discern the cause of calamity?” – Job 6:14-30 ESV

Job now turns his attention directly to Eliphaz and his as-yet silent companions. Their words have been anything but helpful or encouraging. At Job’s darkest moment in life, these men have shown up and made matters worse with their compassionless and self-righteous rhetoric. Job even accuses them of “withholding kindness” and demonstrating a total lack of fear or reverence for God. They are so confident in their assertion of Job’s guilt that they don’t even consider what God might have to say if they’re wrong.

When Job needed loyalty and moral support from his friends he got what he deemed to be treachery. The Hebrew word is בָּגַד (bāḡaḏ) and it conveys the idea of unfaithfulness or dealing with someone deceitfully. Job compares his friends to “a seasonal brook that overflows its banks in the spring when it is swollen with ice and melting snow. But when the hot weather arrives, the water disappears. The brook vanishes in the heat” (Job 6:15-17 NLT). In other words, they are unpredictable and unreliable. They show up at inopportune times, bringing destruction rather than comfort, and when they are needed for refreshment, they are dry as a bone. 

His friends have been an utter disappointment, bringing no hope or healing with their presence or words. In fact, Job finds them to be more fearful than faithful. By casting all the blame on Job and writing off his suffering as the sovereign hand of God, they seem to be trying to excuse themselves from providing him with any kind of financial aid or assistance. If they can rationalize his losses as divine judgment, they can declare themselves to be free from having to help him. Job seems to see through their self-centered analysis of the situation when he asks, “Have I ever asked you for a gift? Have I begged for anything of yours for myself? Have I asked you to rescue me from my enemies, or to save me from ruthless people?” (Job 6:22-23 NLT).

These men knew that Job was in dire straights financially. He had lost all his flocks and herds, leaving him with no means of making a living. And the funeral expenses for his ten deceased children must have taken a hit on his resources as well. But Job has not asked them for assistance. At no point has he requested that they lend him money or come to his aid with anything other than moral support. Job had not requested their presence; they had shown up of their own accord. But their arrival on the scene had only made matters worse.

So, in frustration, Job invites them to state their case plainly. He wants facts and not just flimsy accusations of guilt. He demands that they prove whatever crime they think he has committed. If they are going to put him on trial, he wants them to bring clear and compelling evidence. He assures them that he is willing to listen to what they have to say and will accept their conclusions, even if their verdict is painful to hear.

But Job writes off their words as nothing more than criticism. They have no evidence of wrongdoing because there is none. And while their lengthy diatribes may inflate their own ego, they do nothing to aid Job in his moment of need. In their desperate attempt to explain Job’s desperate circumstances, they have completely overlooked his desperation. They have shown a stunning lack of compassion and empathy.

Job begs his friends to give him the benefit of the doubt. All he asks for is an opportunity to state his case and defend his integrity, and he fully expects those who claim to be his friends to consider him innocent until proven guilty – not the other way around. But Eliphaz has set the precedent. His rush to judgment has unsettled Job and left him hurt and harboring anger and, sadly, it will encourage Job’s other friends to follow suit. Soon, they will join in the dog pile and add to the burden that Job has to bear. Instead of comfort, they will continue to criticize and critique. In the place of much-needed encouragement, they will divvy out large doses of blame and shame. And, over time, Job’s resentment will grow, and his feelings of isolation will increase to the point where he finds himself lashing out in anger, not only at his friends but at God.

What a timely reminder of the need for grace and mercy when dealing with those who are suffering. Eliphaz and his compatriots could have used the wisdom of Solomon.

Timely advice is lovely,
    like golden apples in a silver basket.

To one who listens, valid criticism
    is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry. – Proverbs 25:11-12 NLT

Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time! – Proverbs 15:23 NLT

Job’s friends had shown up at just the right time but were sharing all the wrong advice. They failed to read the room and properly gauge the mental state of their audience. They may have meant well but their methods were far from helpful. And Job was far from done when it came to his response.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

When Good Friends Give Bad Advice

1 “Call now; is there anyone who will answer you?
    To which of the holy ones will you turn?
2 Surely vexation kills the fool,
    and jealousy slays the simple.
3 I have seen the fool taking root,
    but suddenly I cursed his dwelling.
4 His children are far from safety;
    they are crushed in the gate,
    and there is no one to deliver them.
5 The hungry eat his harvest,
    and he takes it even out of thorns,
    and the thirsty pant after his wealth.
6 For affliction does not come from the dust,
    nor does trouble sprout from the ground,
7 but man is born to trouble
    as the sparks fly upward.

8 “As for me, I would seek God,
    and to God would I commit my cause,
9 who does great things and unsearchable,
    marvelous things without number:
10 he gives rain on the earth
    and sends waters on the fields;
11 he sets on high those who are lowly,
    and those who mourn are lifted to safety.
12 He frustrates the devices of the crafty,
    so that their hands achieve no success.
13 He catches the wise in their own craftiness,
    and the schemes of the wily are brought to a quick end.
14 They meet with darkness in the daytime
    and grope at noonday as in the night.
15 But he saves the needy from the sword of their mouth
    and from the hand of the mighty.
16 So the poor have hope,
    and injustice shuts her mouth.” – Job 5:1-16 ESV

Assumptions can be dangerous things, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. And while Eliphaz thought he was doing his beleaguered friend a service, his lengthy and unsolicited counseling session was based solely on his own opinion about Job’s plight. From his theological vantage point, it appeared as if Job had done something to anger God. There could be no other explanation. After all, Job had been blessed beyond belief, a sure sign of God’s favor. He had a large family and his adult children had done well with their lives. Job had also built a prosperous agricultural operation that made him “the richest person in that entire area” (Job 1:3 NLT). And then suddenly, as if out of nowhere, Job had lost it all, including his health.

Like a forensic investigator, Eliphaz examined the evidence and came to the conclusion that his friend had committed some highly egregious sin that resulted in God’s judgment. In his attempt to explain Job’s horrific downfall, Eliphaz concluded that there must have been some heinous transgression hidden in his past. Job’s sins had caught up with him.

Eliphaz is so convinced that his assumptions are correct that he challenges Job to call on the “holy ones” to come to his defense. In a casebook display of insensitivity, Eliphaz questions his friend’s innocence and callously claims that even the angels would fail to listen to his cries or come to his aid. They would refuse to act as witnesses on his behalf or plead his case to God.

In one of the most blatant displays of over-confident self-righteousness, Eliphaz boldly asserts that Job is a fool.

“Surely resentment destroys the fool,
    and jealousy kills the simple.
I have seen that fools may be successful for the moment,
    but then comes sudden disaster.” – Job 5:2-3 NLT

Eliphaz has the audacity to claim that the fate of Job’s children was his own fault.

“Their children are abandoned far from help;
    they are crushed in court with no one to defend them.” – Job 5:4 NLT

Eliphaz’s assertions are far from subtle and anything but encouraging. He lobs his so-called truth bombs like hand grenades, showing no regard for Job’s feelings and demonstrating no awareness that his assumptions might be wrong. He had reached his conclusions and there was no turning back. But Eliphaz’s rush to judgment was both unwise and unwarranted. There were things he didn’t know. There were details about Job’s story of which he was ignorant and uninformed. Yet, he felt confident enough to declare his friend guilty and to label him a fool.

In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus addressed the issue of murder as it relates to the Mosaic Law.

“You have heard that it was said to an older generation, ‘Do not murder,’ and ‘whoever murders will be subjected to judgment.’ But I say to you that anyone who is angry with a brother will be subjected to judgment. And whoever insults a brother will be brought before the council, and whoever says ‘Fool’ will be sent to fiery hell.” – Matthew 5:21-22 NET

He rightly declared that the Law prescribed judgment for the act of murder. But then He added an interesting addendum, declaring that anger itself was tantamount to committing murder. Hatred was the breeding ground from which murder sprang forth. 

Then He took His interpretation of the Law one step further by stating that to insult someone was also an act worthy of judgment. Jesus uses the word “raca,” a term that was derived from the Aramaic word reqa. It was an insult that is best translated as “empty-headed” and was used to refer to someone’s stupidity or mental inferiority. It was a highly derogatory expression and Jesus warns that its use to devalue another human being was deserving of the severest punishment of the Law. And then He adds one more eye-opening insight into the true meaning behind the command, “You shall not kill.”

“…whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” – Matthew 5:22b ESV

According to Jesus, Eliphaz was walking on thin ice. He had taken it upon himself to act as Job’s judge and render a guilty verdict – all without input or approval from God.

Eliphaz’s arrogance is truly mind-boggling. He’s so confident in his assertions that he talks to his friend like he’s a child, reminding him that evil doesn’t just happen; it has a source.

“…evil does not spring from the soil,
    and trouble does not sprout from the earth.
People are born for trouble
    as readily as sparks fly up from a fire.” – Job 5:6-7 NLT

Eliphaz not only has an explanation for Job’s sorry state but he also has a solution.

“If I were you, I would go to God
    and present my case to him.
He does great things too marvelous to understand.
    He performs countless miracles.” – Job 5:8-9 NLT

But this advice reeks of sarcasm. It is almost as if Eliphaz knows that Job is going to deny his guilt and declare his innocence. So, he challenges Job to present his case to Yahweh. What appears to be a sincere recommendation that Job turn to God for help is really a thinly veiled and sarcasm-laced statement of Job’s guilt. Eliphaz isn’t hiding his belief that Job has brought all of this on himself. He even warns Job that God ”frustrates the plans of schemers so the work of their hands will not succeed. He traps the wise in their own cleverness so their cunning schemes are thwarted” (Job 5:12-13 NLT).

Eliphaz told Job that he was more than welcome to take bring his case before God, but he would find Yahweh to be anything but accommodating or forgiving. In Eliphaz’s mind, Job was nothing more than a clever schemer who had fooled everyone but God with his convincing holier-than-thou lifestyle. 

Eliphaz seems to have reached the conclusion that Job had somehow used his wealth and power to take advantage of the poor, so he warned his friend that God “rescues the poor from the cutting words of the strong, and rescues them from the clutches of the powerful” (Job 5:15 NLT). This was a bold and highly condemning assertion on Eliphaz’s part; one that was based solely on conjecture and had no basis in reality.

When reading the words of Eliphaz, it’s important to consider how they stand in stark contrast to God’s assessment of Job.

“Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” – Job 2:3 ESV

Eliphaz had already assumed Job’s guilt, solely based on circumstantial evidence. But there was so much he didn’t know and couldn’t see. He was blind to the spiritual battle taking place behind the scenes. He was incapable of seeing into the inner recesses of Job’s heart but had been more than willing to declare his friend a fool and a scheming con man who had enriched himself on the backs of the poor and needy. But he was wrong. Yet, he was far from finished. Eliphaz was neither lacking in confidence nor words, and he had a lot more to say to his involuntary counselee.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001

New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Good Advice.

Proverbs 12

“The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.” ­– Proverbs 12:26 NLT

Do people ever turn to you for advice? Does anyone ever seek your counsel? If so, what do you tell them? If they listen to you, will things go well for them? Or would they be better off finding another source of input?

Sometimes knowing what to say to those who come to you can be a real challenge. Our friends, family members and coworkers can often present us with some difficult problems to solve. They come to us wanting our wisdom on matters of real importance, and more often than not, we find ourselves stumped as to what to say. We aren't always real sure what to tell them to do. And in many cases, no advice may be the best advice we can give them. Admitting to them that we don't know what they should do just might be the most honest and loving thing we can do. Because as the verse above says, "The godly give good advice to their friends." Notice the qualifier: good. It doesn't say, "The godly give advice to their friends." No, they give good advice. Actually, there is some debate as to exactly what this verse means. It has been translated a number of different ways and been given a variety of different meanings. The New American Standard Bible reads, "The righteous is a guide to his neighbor." The Bible In Basic English puts it this way: "The upright man is a guide to his neighbour." The New International Version gives it a slightly different twist: "A righteous man is cautious in friendship." The Hebrew word has the meaning of spying out, searching, or doing reconnaissance. It seems to be saying that the godly does his homework before giving advice to his friend. He takes the time to find out how to do something before he tells someone else what to do. There is no flippancy or casualness to his advice. He takes what he is about to say seriously. He wants to make sure that whatever he tells his friend will get them where they need to go and not lead them astray.

Now think about how much advice we give in a given day – to our kids, friends, spouses, coworkers. We are quick to respond to requests for counsel, but do we spy out, search and do the reconnaissance necessary to ensure that our counsel is sound? Do we quote verses out of context or proof text passages in an effort to tell others something that sounds spiritual? It is so easy to tell someone going through difficulty that "all things work together for good to those who love God" (Romans 8:28). We drop verses on them like little hand grenades, not stopping to think if that is what they need to hear at that moment. Just because it is Scripture does not mean that it is appropriate for the moment. Sometimes we need to stop quoting and start listening. We need to keep our counsel to ourselves and simply lovingly listen to what the other person has to say. The key to this passage is that the godly person gives GOOD advice. It is well-timed, well-thought out, based on the wisdom of God, and proven to be beneficial. And the only way that you and I can give that kind of advice is if we have been spending time with God. We must have spent time with the Wise One if we want to give good, solid, wise advice to others. Because if our counsel is not from God, it will always lead others astray. Every day, well-meaning Christian friends give out bad advice. They tell individuals struggling with their marriages that God just wants them to be happy. They counsel wives to leave their husbands. They counsel husbands so that they reach faulty conclusions about their commitment to their marriage. They tell young people to reject the counsel of their parents because they are not believers. And they do all of this while quoting Scripture and bathing their advice in prayer. But more often than not, they're wrong. They end up leading others astray. Giving counsel is serious business. Helping guide others is a great privilege and a huge responsibility. It is not something we should take lightly. So the next time someone comes to you for advice, think before you speak. Pray before you pontificate. Admit your own ignorance. Better to give no advice than bad advice. Tell them you need time to pray, think, and explore God's Word because you give an answer. A quick answer may be the wrong answer. The godly give GOOD advice.

Father, thanks for this very timely reminder. It is so easy to dish out advice like candy. We flippantly throw out our words of wisdom without really thinking about whether we know what we're talking about. We don't think about the damage we may be doing or how we may be leading that person astray with our words. Make us more reflective before we respond. May we seek to be truly wise before we try to come off that way. Amen.